Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
