Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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