It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
