me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
