You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
