I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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