I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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