dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
