Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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