what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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