like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think a kid would responsible me up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
