Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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