I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
