Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
