I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
