some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
