Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
