Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
