i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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