Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
