So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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