So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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