I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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