my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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