where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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