im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
