How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
