Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
