It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
