Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
