My brain says no but my pants say off.
and she was petting her beer can
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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