My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Another day, another engagement, another cat
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
