well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
