She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
