I want to have your abortion
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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