On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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