trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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