Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
