I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
