so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
