Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
