Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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