just come out here and I will go home with you...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
