So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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