mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
