I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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