Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
