I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
