Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
