were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
