I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
