this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
