3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
