if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
