Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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