Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
