Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
