just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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