I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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