sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
