I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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