I can text with my tongue
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
