the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Panties = found
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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