if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
