i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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