Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
