this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
