i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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