I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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