I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
